I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
