WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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