weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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