hotel room ftw
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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