:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
