that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
