I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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