Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
