My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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