Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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