Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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