Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
