At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
