hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
be right there i have to get my cape
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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