we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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