I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
