To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
