Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Ladies don't puke and tell
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Randomize
