Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
