And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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