I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
