there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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