the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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