so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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