had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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