I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
