Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
