Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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