Texts From Last Night

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  (830): View more from Texas

  You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin

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  (830): You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin http://tfl.nu/1khj
  Replies (7) Good night (983) Bad night (1822)
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.

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  (484): So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention. http://tfl.nu/x7xj
  Replies (45) Good night (4655) Bad night (807)
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  (778): View more from British Columbia

  we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever

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  (778): we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever http://tfl.nu/5buf
  Replies (8) Good night (4195) Bad night (981)
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?

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  (208): Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain? http://tfl.nu/hz7f
  Replies (17) Good night (935) Bad night (3714)
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.

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  (516): They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were. http://tfl.nu/skxs
  Replies (5) Good night (5456) Bad night (1071)
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.

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  (703): Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick. http://tfl.nu/xrlx
  Replies (25) Good night (3133) Bad night (1217)
• Favorite

  (972): View more from Texas

  Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?

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  (972): Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday? http://tfl.nu/8ic0
  Replies (3) Good night (2210) Bad night (907)
• Favorite

  (+61): View more from Australia

  can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room

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  (+61): can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room http://tfl.nu/484e
  Replies (10) Good night (2966) Bad night (1030)
• Favorite

  (253): View more from Washington

  at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?

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  (253): at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito? http://tfl.nu/ycrz
  Replies (4) Good night (1403) Bad night (727)
• Favorite

  (209): View more from California

  He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia

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  (209): He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia http://tfl.nu/8vrp
  Replies (10) Good night (788) Bad night (2101)
• Favorite

  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.

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  (902): figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it. http://tfl.nu/pdw3
  Replies (5) Good night (618) Bad night (1271)
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.

  (1-954): View more from Florida

  Marco

  (954): View more from Florida

  Polo

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  (954): These days, you and me are swimming in dicks. (1-954): Marco (954): Polo http://tfl.nu/zk92
  Replies (7) Good night (2712) Bad night (690)
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.

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  (609): Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel. http://tfl.nu/x8kg
  Replies (24) Good night (1081) Bad night (514)
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.

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  (215): You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized. http://tfl.nu/g02p
  Replies (3) Good night (1040) Bad night (497)
• Favorite

  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right

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  (306): Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right http://tfl.nu/4x80
  Replies (0) Good night (466) Bad night (479)

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