You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
