i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.