Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(847): View more from Illinois

Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up

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(847): Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up http://tfl.nu/pfce

Replies (3) Good night (1100) Bad night (566)
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(586): View more from Michigan

sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.

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(586): sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey. http://tfl.nu/7b75

Replies (15) Good night (3633) Bad night (655)
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(405): View more from Oklahoma

i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.

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(405): i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy. http://tfl.nu/1yd9

Replies (19) Good night (3501) Bad night (818)
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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..

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(412): My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list.. http://tfl.nu/7bvi

Replies (43) Good night (1023) Bad night (8460)
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(404): View more from Georgia

I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!

(1-404): View more from Georgia

what drugs are you on?

(404): View more from Georgia

none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later

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(404): I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles! (1-404): what drugs are you on? (404): none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later http://tfl.nu/mtfu

Replies (26) Good night (5363) Bad night (876)
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(916): View more from California

I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.

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(916): I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike. http://tfl.nu/qggw

Replies (19) Good night (6702) Bad night (705)
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(636): View more from Missouri

she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.

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(636): she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love. http://tfl.nu/j1yq

Replies (7) Good night (5703) Bad night (987)
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(617): View more from Massachusetts

I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree

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(617): I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree http://tfl.nu/6ra8

Replies (23) Good night (6231) Bad night (1122)
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(716): View more from New York

Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.

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(716): Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon. http://tfl.nu/t979

Replies (41) Good night (8598) Bad night (2645)
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(207): View more from Maine

Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.

(603): View more from New Hampshire

OMG THAT WAS YOU?!

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(207): Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building. (603): OMG THAT WAS YOU?! http://tfl.nu/kd7y

Replies (42) Good night (9562) Bad night (1502)
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(916): View more from California

I can already almost taste penis in my mouth

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(916): I can already almost taste penis in my mouth http://tfl.nu/o1w6

Replies (10) Good night (2388) Bad night (1077)
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(970): View more from Colorado

I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.

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(970): I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you. http://tfl.nu/vise

Replies (9) Good night (789) Bad night (3288)
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(905): View more from Ontario

I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal

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(905): I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal http://tfl.nu/u38b

Replies (6) Good night (1987) Bad night (699)
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(843): View more from South Carolina

And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married

(1-843): View more from South Carolina

That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard

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(843): And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married (1-843): That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard http://tfl.nu/54cc

Replies (4) Good night (797) Bad night (363)
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(214): View more from Texas

His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"

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(214): His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP" http://tfl.nu/swif

Replies (2) Good night (550) Bad night (261)

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