so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
25 People Admit the Worst Things They’ve Done for Good Reasons
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
25 Things All Men Can Definitely Agree On
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(