the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I just gargled with NyQuil