Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.