I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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