my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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