Apparently you make a good broom.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
