Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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