I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize