hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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