Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Randomize