saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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