Need sex. Gaining weight.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize