Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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