Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
