I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
