Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
