i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
