Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
