I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
