I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
