My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
