is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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