I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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