In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
My vagina is very pro this idea
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
