You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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