I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
