I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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