her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Even the bartender felt bad for me
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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