i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
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The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
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It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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