Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
There's always time for handjobs
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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