Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"