Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
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How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Randomize
