Texts From Last Night

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  (847): View more from Illinois

  tweet Hawks Win!! tweet

  (847): View more from Illinois

  That's how twitter works, right?

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  (847): tweet Hawks Win!! tweet (847): That's how twitter works, right? http://tfl.nu/21xu
  Replies (12) Good night (1701) Bad night (1070)
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!

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  (702): That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked! http://tfl.nu/4dq3
  Replies (53) Good night (899) Bad night (5605)
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  (607): View more from New York

  Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless

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  (607): Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless http://tfl.nu/a84j
  Replies (20) Good night (5174) Bad night (652)
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  (801): View more from Utah

  No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything

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  (801): No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything http://tfl.nu/rmdb
  Replies (5) Good night (5002) Bad night (1207)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?

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  (443): does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us? http://tfl.nu/0adv
  Replies (7) Good night (1099) Bad night (3931)
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  (785): View more from Kansas

  Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...

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  (785): Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday... http://tfl.nu/8w3z
  Replies (3) Good night (2588) Bad night (1003)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.

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  (206): I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe. http://tfl.nu/2cd4
  Replies (4) Good night (1868) Bad night (812)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow

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  (908): almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow http://tfl.nu/cscz
  Replies (13) Good night (4660) Bad night (989)
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  (701): View more from North Dakota

  the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'

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  (701): the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.' http://tfl.nu/nfi4
  Replies (3) Good night (862) Bad night (1557)
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  (701): View more from North Dakota

  I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.

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  (701): I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting. http://tfl.nu/1ezz
  Replies (13) Good night (1440) Bad night (1624)
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  (785): View more from Kansas

  Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.

  (785): View more from Kansas

  I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.

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  (785): Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock. (785): I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice. http://tfl.nu/kw5d
  Replies (9) Good night (1705) Bad night (685)
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  (518): View more from New York

  We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours

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  (518): We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours http://tfl.nu/zbw4
  Replies (9) Good night (1087) Bad night (492)
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  (423): View more from Tennessee

  Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.

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  (423): Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill. http://tfl.nu/tqj8
  Replies (2) Good night (1442) Bad night (443)
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited

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  (419): Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited http://tfl.nu/eyjk
  Replies (3) Good night (896) Bad night (425)
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  (563): View more from Iowa

  Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?

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  (563): Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex? http://tfl.nu/yp18
  Replies (5) Good night (712) Bad night (326)

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