Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?