he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
you made out with another girl for some wings
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
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