Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
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