So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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