I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
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