i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
