Farmville is her only friend.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize