just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Will exercising make me less horny?
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