I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
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